Family

Dear Joseph,
You may just think that family is Mom and Dad. While that is true, but it is not the entire story. Don't forget that there is Grandma Sharon, Grandpa Michael, Grandma Linda, Great Grandma Miriam, Aunt Tammy, Uncle Ben, Uncle David, etc., etc.. The list is getting big, isn't it?

I point this out to you because, as you grow and learn, you will belong to many groups. Perhaps you will be on a team. You certainly will be part of a school class. You may also be part of one or more clubs, and so on. These will be groups of people that share a common goal or interest, and they will be a great source of support as you pursue those goals. As long as you pay your dues, attend meetings and adhere to the bylaws, you will be allowed to remain a member of each group. With family, it is a little different.

Family is forever. There is no need to sign up, and meetings are held when ever. What ever your dreams and goals may be, family is there to support, give advise, scold and even drive you a little nuts. Thing is, there are no dues and few bylaws, and you remain a member even if you break the rules. Now, here is the really neat part: it is a life membership and, no matter how you might screw up (and you will), family will love you and come to your aid...no questions asked.

Right now, you are beginning to see what I mean. As I type this, Grandma Linda and honorary Grandma Robin are in your city. Uncle Omari, Auntie Tammy, Uncle Ben and myself will be coming in another day or two. Why? Because it is your birthday, your very first one; and the family gathers on such occasions to celebrate with one another.

To be sure, there will be times when you will want to quit or resign from the crazies in your family. Happens all the time. Thing is, Joseph, we don't accept resignations. Try as you may to quit, we will not stop caring about you and loving you. So, take the bad with the good, and enjoy your first chocolate cake this weekend.

Happy first birthday. I love you.

Papa

And So It Goes

Dear Joseph,
It is just a few days until your first birthday, and the entire family is excited and looking forward to gathering at your house to celebrate. It is supposed to be a very happy time, and it is. We just learned, however, that Grandpa Michael's cousin just died, and that makes us sad.

By time you are able to understand this, you will have some idea of the cycle of life and the fact that life is full of happiness and sadness. But, Joseph, there are different kinds of sadness. I will try to explain.

If a very young person is accidentally killed, it is a tragedy, and the sadness is mixed with bewilderment and even bitterness. A young person has been robbed of his or her life, and we are unable to understand why such things happen.

In the case of Grandpa's cousin, on the other hand, we have what I will call a more understandable death. The man, who you will not remember, was a fine person and a very nice individual. I liked him and don't know anyone who didn't. But he had had lots of illnesses and had lived a fairly long life. He got an infection in his lungs and never recovered. His loss saddens us all yet, at the same time, we can accept this loss as a part of life.

I have no idea when I will leave this life. I don't know if I will be here when you can read and understand this. I hope so. But, if I am gone as you read this, know that I had a long and most wonderful life. Perhaps Mom (my daughter) will show you pictures of me and tell you stories about me. I would like that, and it makes me feel good to think I will be remembered. Know, as well, that part of my greatest joy in life has been having you as my grandson and that I have derived a deep inner joy from your presence. You are a blessing in my life.

Be well,
Papa

How you were named.

Dear Joseph,

Our names are important to us. It is who we are and what others call us. When we hear our name called we turn without thought to see who has called to us. Naming a baby is a big event. In some cultures an animal name is assigned by a medicine man or elder and that name becomes that person's totem animal. It is believed that the person will have all the characteristics of that animal. We, on the other hand, assign a name to honor a person who is no longer with us. Who, then, is the Joseph for who you have been named?

If he were alive, Joseph Kahn would be your great grandfather. He was the husband of your great grandmother, Miriam. Now, you know grandma Linda. Well, she is the daughter of Joseph and Miriam. Linda is also my wife. So, if you can follow all of this, Joseph Kahn was my father in law. More important than all this is the fact that he was a wonderful man.

Joseph Kahn was intelligent and wise. He knew how to be a good father. In addition, he was scholarly and a wonderful teacher. He could not complete college because of financial reasons, but that didn't stop him from a life time of learning. He and grandma Linda both enjoyed history, especially about the civil war. I learned a lot from listening to the two of them talk.

The man for who you are named was, above all, honest and a man of integrity. He was fair. He was kind, and he was stern when he needed to be. He was, as we say, a man among men. Those of us who knew him miss him a great deal. You, Joseph, have been named after this great man who died shortly before you were born.

In you, I already see a certain good natured smile and a calmness (when your diaper is dry and your tummy full) that tells me that you have been named well. I think that Papa Joe is pleased and honored with knowing that you carry his name.

Papa loves you.

It Was So Wonderful To See You

Dear Joseph,

It was wonderful seeing and being with you this past weekend. I had forgotten how exhausting it can be to take care of someone your age. It seems like it was another lifetime that I was changing your Mom's diapers and trying to get little spoonfuls of stuff into her mouth. I must tell you that, in many ways, you are a lot like she was at your age.

You have that same happy disposition (except when you are hungry, wet, over tired or wanting to be picked up) and radiant smile. I will be watching anxiously to see how your personality evolves and what interests you develop.

No big philosophical lessons or musings today. Just this note to tell you I enjoyed being with you and look forward to your visit here next month.

Papa loves you.

W*OR*K
Not just a 4-letter word

Dear Joseph,

You are growing up in a home where you see mom and dad go off to work every morning as I watched my father go to work every morning. This is a good thing. Sure, it means that mom and dad are earning money so that you all have a nice house and good food to eat. But there is more to all of this than meets the eye.

As did I, you will learn to have a work ethic. That is, you will come to understand that each of us is responsible for taking care of our needs. Since many of our needs require money, this means working for a living. Now, for many, working is not a pleasant thing. In fact, most men do not like their jobs and hate going to work. It is so bad for some of them that they get sick Sunday nights when they know that the weekend is ending and they need to get up in the morning to go to their jobs. This is not because work is a distasteful thing. They feel this way because they are doing the wrong work.

Remember last time how I talked to you about that drummer each of us marches to? I was referring to that little voice inside that tells us what is wrong and what is right for us to do. That voice comes from deep within, from our essence, and is referred to as our soul. Our soul is that part of us that knows best what we want, what we need and what we need to do; and what we need to do is referred to as our calling or our calling in life.

Papa believes that we are all here for a reason. We are who we are, we are born when we are born and we are in a place all for a reason. Our really big job in life is to find out what that reason is, to be aware of what we are meant to do while on this earth. Our job is to find and follow our callings.

It takes a while to hear that little voice and to know just what our callings are, but there are many clues given to us if we will just pay attention. For instance, what is fun for you to do? I know, at first it is playing and being with friends. But, even then, you will start to notice that you all play in different ways and like different games. Some kids are athletic, some like to draw while others sit and think a lot or stare at pretty scenes. These are all clues.

Unfortunately, when you get to school you will all be required to act somewhat alike and do similar things. There will be subjects in school and assignments that you will simply not like at all. That is fine. You will still have to do them, but in doing so you will have learned something about yourself, and that will be a clue to at least what your calling is not.

This may seem confusing and hard, but it will make more and more sense as you grow, learn and mature. It is important, Joseph, that you not get caught up in making money, getting promoted and acquiring a lot of material things just for the sake of fulfilling an image of what others think is a successful person. If it does not fulfill you on the inside and give you a sense of peace and knowledge that you are doing what you are meant to do, it is not worth the gold it provides.

We cannot deny our callings, and it is important to spend quiet time with yourself. That can be in the form of meditation, sitting in your room and just letting your mind wander or walking among nature while practicing awareness of the world around you. Eventually, if you are open and true to yourself, you will be aware of the voice within. You won't hear it with your ears, but you will sense it in your heart.

Finally, when this voice speaks to you, it will tell you something about your calling in life. Joseph, you may not understand or like what it is telling you, but if you spend time with it the message it has for you will resonate with your soul. Then, you will know what you are meant to do.

Scared? Don't be. You already understand more than most. Most men don't pay attention to what I've said. They refuse to hear the voices calling to their souls because they want money more than they want fulfillment. These men, Joseph, pay an awful price when they become old. They realize, only then, that they have money and no happiness. More than anything in this world, I want to see you realize your full potential, and I know that can only be done if you follow the calling of your soul. I bless you on this most sacred journey of life.

I love you, Joseph
Papa

The Drummer Within

Dear Joseph,

If you haven't already, you will hear an expression that people use to describe a person who acts differently than they do. They say that he marches to a different drummer, one that only he can hear. I want to tell you what this means and how important it is.

Although your name is Joseph, that is just a name your mom and dad gave you so we would know what to call you and you would know when we are talking to you. But, who is Joseph? Is he the boy or young man we see? Yes. Is he white? Yes. In fact, you are a lot of things that we can label. Maybe you will play baseball, and we will add the label baseball player.

But who you really are is something that lives deep inside yourself, so deep that even you are not aware of who that is. It is as if there is a drummer deep inside you, and that drummer sets the beat to which you march. To put it another way, there is a voice inside which, without speaking out loud, tells you what you need. It is the voice that tells you what is right and what is wrong. It is the voice that tells you what your passions are in life. The problem is that this voice is quite subtle. That is, it is not easy to hear, especially if there is a lot of noise around.

And there is a lot of noise around, at least in our minds. We are always thinking about something or worrying about something. That's the part of our mind we call the ego. It wants to be boss, it wants to please everyone, it wants to look good to everyone else. It always wants to be in charge, and it usually is. The trouble is that the ego is always busy and drowns out the faint sound of our drummer. If we don't hear the drummer we don't really know who we are, what we need or what we should do in life. So, how do we hear the drummer?

The secret is to quite this ego guy in our heads. It isn't an easy thing to do because there is nothing you can do to quite him. In fact, the trick is to do nothing, and that isn't easy. Some people call this meditation. It is simply sitting quietly and thinking of nothing, but that's really not easy to do. You see, the ego guy doesn't like it when he isn't in charge so, try as we might to think of nothing, he is always butting in. But if we continue to sit quietly a few minutes each day, we do start to hear the whisper or the drummer speaking to us.

That drummer, Joseph, is what we call our soul. It is the true us, what we call our essence and, no matter how hard the ego guy tries to run the show, it is our souls that speak what our heart knows to be true. It is the soul that know what we were meant to do, what we need to do.

Most people get busy and go running around out there looking for answers. Not wise, not necessary. Reading, visiting gurus or taking workshops won't get you answers to questions such as what should I do with my life? Those answers are found inside, those answers are already known by the soul, and when the soul tells us what we need it is telling us our callings in life.

Our calling is what we were born to do, what we are meant to do, and it is different for everyone. sometimes people don't like what they hear their souls tell them, and they ignore their calling to do something that will make them rich or famous. Even if they do get rich and famous, they eventually suffer when they are older and realize that they ignored their calling in life and never fulfilled their destiny.

I will stop there. This is pretty heavy stuff, isn't it? Just remember to be true to yourself. Never mind what other people think you should do or what they think about what you are doing. When another kid tells you to take drugs or smoke cigarettes, the ego guy might tell you to do it because it is cool and the other kids will like you if you do what they are doing. But take a moment and listen to your soul. It will, I am sure, tell you not to do these things...even if it means you lose your friends. You see, the soul knows that these kids are not your friends and that they will only get you into trouble and ruin your life. You don't need such "friends". Just listen to your drummer and march in time with him.

I love you,
Papa

Need v. Want

Dear Joseph,

As you get older you will come to realize that there are confusing words that people use. Many of these are important to understand, such as the difference between need and want.

To help you remember, just think that need starts with the letter "n" and so does necessary. The things that are necessary to keep us alive and safe are the things we need. So, you need air to breath, food to eat and shelter from the weather. Sometimes you will need medicine to get over some illness, and so on. In a way, you need some toys to stimulate your mind and help teach you things. Beyond that, there will be things you will want.

You will want something, like a toy or fancy bike, that your friends have. You may want a bigger TV like you see at someone else's house. You may want the latest in cloths that all your friends are wearing or to go to expensive places as they do. That's pretty normal, and you need to remember that they are all wants. If you don't get them you may feel disappointed, but you will not die from it. Let's see if I can give you an idea on how to handle the disappointment when you don't get what you want.

When I want something and I don't get it, I sit with myself and ask the question, what do I really need that makes me want to have that thing. Seems like a funny question, doesn't it? But think about it.

Say you want the cool new bike all the kids are riding, and mom and dad say no to your request. You are disappointed. But what was the need behind the want? Think about it, Joseph, because as you come to understand this you will also become your own person. And don't worry if you don't get it at first, you will as you mature. But back to the question.

You want the bike, but (more likely than not) you need to feel like you were just like the other kids. You need to feel like you fit in. Make sense? You get the same bike the others have and it is like you are all wearing the same uniform that says we belong in the group. And that would make you feel good. What you will realize as you get older is that dressing the "right" way and having the right things does not make you a part of anything except a society that wants everything it sees.

What will make you be yourself are your thoughts, your ethics (we can talk about what this means another time) and how you behave, especially when the going gets tough. You will, during your life, want many many things, and you will be able to have some of them. What you will always need, however, is to know yourself and to be true to yourself. That's how we fulfill our deepest needs.

I love you,
Grandpa